Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Maria at Tough Cookie Mommy inspired me to write about this because of her post Just Friends.  Go read her post and then come back and finish reading this one.
Have you ever heard yourself say or think any of these?
  • She’s so pretty.  Does my partner wish he were with her instead of me?
  • Did you see that?  She just touched his arm or brushed her breasts against him.
  • Quit batting those lashes at him.  He’s taken.
  • Who wears that anyway?  My partner doesn’t need to see your cleavage.
  • He’s laughing on the phone with her.  He doesn’t laugh like that when we talk on the phone.
  • He dressed especially nice today.  Is he trying to impress her?
  • Cologne?  What is he up to…
There are plenty more examples of suspicious thoughts that fill our minds and worry us, but you get the drift.
So, can men and women be just friends?
Or is someone in the relationship – either her or him – wishing for more?

Here’s my take…

Maria may be right and perhaps single ladies are flirting with my husband.  Maybe those accidental touches, or the frequency of giggles and eyelash batting are a calculated attempt to seduce my husband.
I’m sure not every person is out to get him, but I agree that there are some for sure that think he’s a catch.   After all, I think he’s handsome, funny, and a great dad – obviously other women see that too.
However, while I may look twice at someone else’s behavior or even at hubs, I remind myself that fundamentally, it doesn’t matter what someone else’s designs on my husband may be.

We are married.

Marriage or committed relationships (at least in my experience) are not the fairy tale we’ve been fed where everyone finds their soulmate and then live happily ever after.
Yes, you may find your soulmate, and you may live happily most of the time, but that isn’t the whole story.
Each and every day you make a concious decision to remain committed to this other person.  Each and every day you put your trust and your faith in the other person to have your best interests at heart.
No one in a relationship can honestly say each and every day is blissful.  And, would you really want it to be?
The hard times, the bad times, the struggles are the fire that forge and strengthen your relationship.
If you are never challenged or tested, I personally don’t think you can reach your full potential, nor can your marriage.
So, here’s a thought to ponder.

I welcome women to flirt with my husband.

I can just imagine the gasps and disbelief from some of you after that statement.  But here’s why… (continued HERE)

9 Responses to Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

  1. Maria and Daria,

    I’ve already written about this myself. As someone who has worked in a male dominated field most of my life, let me just say that I would have pretty pretty lonely if I only tried to forge friendships with women. So I know it’s possible.

    Do some have other designs when they attempt to be friends? Maybe. But I firmly believe a stable relationship, as Daria suggests here, can’t be broken by such behaviors. And sometimes, flirting really is innocuous. I won’t say I’ve never done it myself, even though I’m very happily married and have absolutely no interest in straying from my marriage.

    Here’s the post I wrote. Good conversation!

    http://realzest.com/2010/11/four-myths-about-friendship-between-women-and-men/

  2. I think I cannot control another woman flirting with my husband. Nor can I control how my husband deals with it if I am not present. Of course, if I find out he dealt with it “wrong” his ass is out lol, but as for being friends with a woman when you are married. Mutual friends, sure. Just a friendship between my husband and another woman….well I think that is disrespectful to me especially if I have doubts about it.

  3. I agree. I think men and women can be friends if there’s respect for the respective relationships. I met some of my closest friends because I had friendly work relationships with their husbands.

  4. Hmmm…touchy subject indeed (pardon the pun). I see a lot of adults in therapy sessions who complain about the partner/spouse texting, FBing, etc. I think the line in the sticky sand is whether your partner is hiding these behaviors from you.

    Personally, I don’t care how attractive and sexy someone’s husband–they are married. There’s few things less sexy than flirting with a married person.

  5. I agree Linda, that is so not sexy. My take on it is that I have to trust my husband or I do not know why we would be together! Simple as that.
    Some of my best friends here in the US is actually his old high school friends, male and female with or without spouse. I don’t have time to worry about what he is doing. I am too busy. We have been together for 23 years, so perhaps that have something to do with how I feel.

  6. Linda, I am so glad that you brought up “lying by omission.” I think that many times, men and women think that just because they omit or leave out information about the behaviors that they are engaging in away from the relationship, they are not lying. My opinion is that anything that is done secretly or “in the dark” is done so because that individual person is aware that they are doing something wrong. If they weren’t doing anything wrong, they would be more public about it. My mind still has not changed, if you are married or in a relationship, you should not have any friends that are not friends with your partner. Also, if the friendship makes your significant other feel uncomfortable in any way, you should put your partner’s needs before your friend’s…

  7. I agree with you 100%. My hubby and I have been together for 19 years and threw them both of us have had friends of the opposite sex. More me then him I guess you would say. I have always been one of the boys and was friends with my hubby before we started to date. I continued to be friends with “The Boys” even after we started dating and married. Some might say that the flirtation of another female/male might be a turn on and create a spark for the married couple.

    • The most interesting part to me about this whole topic (great discussion piece Maria!) is the diversity of opinions. Everyone feels strongly about their point and yet they vary in almost opposite ends of the spectrum. Just the kind of discussion I love!! :) Thank you all for your comments. They are fantastic! I think that you need to find what works for you and your marriage and that is going to differ for different people. There isn’t a right and wrong when it comes to people’s opinions – just finding what works for you and yours.

      Great topic and input! Go ahead and read posts 2 and 3 too!

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