I can just imagine the gasps and disbelief from some of you after that statement. But here’s why…
I trust that my husband continues to want to be with me. I expect he makes a daily decision to be committed to me, the same as I do. If he is given the choice to cheat and turns it down, it strengthens that commitment. Our relationship was tested and gained strength from the challenge.
Do I really want to be married to someone that is only with me because a better offer hasn’t come along yet? No. What a scared way to live.
Do I want my husband to be with me because I’ve scared off all the competition? Or kept him isolated from other women? No. I want him with me because he wants to be there.
If that ever changes, I’d rather know now and part ways honestly and cleanly than to fight and dig my claws into him. At that point it seems like an ego issue on my part. I can’t let the other woman “win” so I will fight and bare my claws to defend my territory. But, even if that works, have I really won?
My prize would seem to be a man that doesn’t want to be with me and even if he never acts on it, emotionally he’s no longer mine anyway. That doesn’t seem like a very good prize to me.
It’s good for the ego.
Another benefit is that flirting makes a person feel good.
Wow, I still have it!
How many of us get to middle age, bodies changed after bearing children, life feels like a rut – get up, go to work, take care of kids, clean house, go to bed – repeat. Maybe throw a little sex with hubs in there occasionally, but a pretty predictable life. With this stable, responsible life, it is easy to feel like we have become a *faded* version of the vibrant person we were in our 20′s.
Do you think this only happens to women? Think again. Men feel this way too.
Flirting, feeling appreciated, feeling attractive to the opposite sex is good for a person’s confidence and therefore good for a marriage.
So bring it on ladies! Thank you for the boost to my husband’s self confidence and therefore thank you for the boost to my marriage.
One caveat though… hubs has to feel appreciated at home too and jealousy needs to be put in its place for this to be a boon. If he is connected emotionally to another woman and not to me, then that is a problem that I need to solve. That is when the jealousy comes into play (for me anyway).