Go ahead and flirt with my husband

Go ahead and flirt with my husband

Continued from yesterday’s post

I welcome women to flirt with my husband.

I can just imagine the gasps and disbelief from some of you after that statement.  But here’s why…
I trust that my husband continues to want to be with me.  I expect he makes a daily decision to be committed to me, the same as I do.   If he is given the choice to cheat and turns it down, it strengthens that commitment.  Our relationship was tested and gained strength from the challenge.
Do I really want to be married to someone that is only with me because a better offer hasn’t come along yet?  No.  What a scared way to live.
Do I want my husband to be with me because I’ve scared off all the competition?  Or kept him isolated from other women?  No.  I want him with me because he wants to be there.
If that ever changes, I’d rather know now and part ways honestly and cleanly than to fight and dig my claws into him.  At that point it seems like an ego issue on my part.  I can’t let the other woman “win” so I will fight and bare my claws to defend my territory.  But, even if that works, have I really won?
My prize would seem to be a man that doesn’t want to be with me and even if he never acts on it, emotionally he’s no longer mine anyway.    That doesn’t seem like a very good prize to me.

It’s good for the ego.

Another benefit is that flirting makes a person feel good.
Wow, I still have it!
How many of us get to middle age, bodies changed after bearing children, life feels like a rut – get up, go to work, take care of kids, clean house, go to bed – repeat.  Maybe throw a little sex with hubs in there occasionally, but a pretty predictable life.  With this stable, responsible life, it is easy to feel like we have become a *faded* version of the vibrant person we were in our 20’s.
Do you think this only happens to women?  Think again.  Men feel this way too.
Flirting, feeling appreciated, feeling attractive to the opposite sex is good for a person’s confidence and therefore good for a marriage.
So bring it on ladies!  Thank you for the boost to my husband’s self confidence and therefore thank you for the boost to my marriage.
One caveat though… hubs has to feel appreciated at home too and jealousy needs to be put in its place for this to be a boon.  If he is connected emotionally to another woman and not to me, then that is a problem that I need to solve.   That is when the jealousy comes into play (for me anyway).

Jealousy

Continued HERE
*image courtesy of datingmingle.com

17 Responses to Go ahead and flirt with my husband

  1. Pamela says:

    I actually get your blog in my RSS feed. I have enjoyed this series. I dropped by today courtesy of Maria and her Monday Mingle, though. :)

  2. Wish I could be strong enough to say that. Men are just weak…no matter how good you are to them at home. If they are put in the right predicament at the right time, they could cave. I do have a good man though. We’ve been married for almost 11 years and we are happy…both a little jealous sometimes but it works for us. Great to see another happy married couple!

    I’m your newest follower from the Social Parade Blog Hop! Hope you’ll return the favor! See ya there??!! :)

  3. I think it really depends on a husband. WIth some women flirt and he can lough at it with his wife. For some, this is a real threat to ruin a family. Unfortumately, not every man is perfect and can resist the temptation

    • Daria says:

      I guess when I’m thinking of flirting it’s in a light hearted, not seriously trying to seduce you kind of way. Frankly, I can’t see someone actively trying to seduce either me or my husband. I know logically that people have affairs and these things do happen in the real world, but we are such normal/boring/not living in that fast lane kind of people that I think my filter has a lot to do with my feelings in this post. Does that makes sense?

  4. Bruce Sallan says:

    Wow, you are one wise woman! Recognizing a man’s need to still feel attractive yet trusting “your man” is not the way of the feminists! Trust is the key so no amount of possessiveness or jealousy can combat a spouse who wants to stray. Embracing that they’re still appealing to the opposite sex is wholesome and you get a huge “attaboy” from this married and faithful husband!

    Men and women, in my humble opinion, can rarely really be good friends unless there is truly NO desire on either side to “be” with the other one. I’ve found that is rarely the case.

    As for married couples, I believe the only opposite sex friends that are okay are the ones that pre-existed the marriage.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I think I’m right!

    Excellent article/column!

    • Daria says:

      Thanks Bruce! I think I have been converted to believing that those friendships may in fact be limited to ones that preceded the marriage. I have reflected on my own friendships with men and with those I’ve met since getting married. We have couple friends and friends we are both friends with, but none that I am friends with and my husband is not. That would be awkward. And although I believe innocent flirting is good for the soul and the ego, anything with more sinister intent I’d expect my husband to deal with and not want to continue. However, that would still be an issue between he and I, me going directly to the other woman wouldn’t factor in. My relationship isn’t with her and going to her instead of my husband implies I don’t trust him to handle it. If I don’t have that trust then the relationship is over anyway and she may as well have him.

      That is a very long way to say I agree with you! It was not my initial thoughts going into this series, but upon reflection, it does seem the only opposite gender friends that feel ok are ones that preceded the marriage. Else it is fine as long as it is not exclusively your friendship, but instead one that you share with your spouse also.

      By the way, I have enjoyed your son’s comics! Thank you for sharing.

  5. Bruce Sallan says:

    I’m glad we agree. I will repeat – you are a very WISE woman. Smart, too. You and your marriage are the better for that wisdom!

  6. [...] post was inspired here, then discussed by me here and here and continues today…. “…hubs has to feel appreciated at home too and jealousy [...]

  7. chad says:

    Does anyone want to flirt with me? I’m in a relationship but just looking for some fun emails.

  8. Mary says:

    I am completely sure that women flirt with my husband every day. But this doesn’t bother me either. I am secure enough in myself.

  9. Austin says:

    Honey, you are just crazy. I will say it’s a very different twist on the average “a woman’s flirting with my husband” article…

    • Daria says:

      Well Austin, since writing this article I am getting a divorce, granted it has nothing to do with cheating… Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  10. Austin says:

    That is so sad! :) I wish you the very best–this comment couldn’t have come at a more difficult time. *hugs* Good luck with everything.

    • Daria says:

      Sorry! Didn’t mean it to come out that way. I’m in a very good place emotionally right now. I still believe the things I wrote in this post, this type of thing wasn’t a factor in our divorce, just realized that we had very different values and goals for our lives. I love comments! There is never a bad time for them :)

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