The Peaks & Valleys of Love

The Peaks & Valleys of Love

Leaving the Valley

Every relationship has its peaks and valleys.

When you first meet someone, there’s the spark of attraction, the thrill of the unknown, the agonizing question as to whether or not he’ll call you. You dissect every conversation, every minute gesture, every expression.

And you hope. You hope he likes you. You hope he calls. You hope that he’s The One. And when it turns out he does…

Your relationship blasts towards a peak so quickly it leaves you breathless and dizzy and exhilarated. You cling to your partner, giddy with joy. You join together, adjusting to another person sharing your space and possessions.

Then the world settles and soon, instead of that dizzy feeling, you feel solid. Instead of breathless, you feel stable. Instead of unsure, you feel steady.

The earth spins, days turn to weeks, months and years. The day comes that the two of you create other people from your love.

And you become dizzy, but instead of exhilaration, you feel fear. You become breathless, but instead of excitement, you feel tired. You pass each other like ghosts, each one working tirelessly towards taking care of the little lives that suddenly inhabit your space and destroy your possessions.

One day, you look at your partner and realize that he’s not the person you married. You look in the mirror and no longer see the girl with whom he fell in love. You’ve both changed. Words have been said, fights have been fought, feelings have been hurt.

Yet…that spark, that initial spark, lingers.

You both recognize that you are in a valley. You talk. You share. You feel frustration, anger, sadness and then, again…

Hope. You hope that he is changing with you. You hope that he’ll work with you. You hope that the initial spark is enough.

He brings you flowers and you smile foolishly.

You rub his shoulders and he sighs thankfully.

He cooks you breakfast and you hug him tightly.

You compliment his laundry skills.

He compliments your new haircut.

You say thank you.

He says please.

You grin.

He laughs.

You see the person he’s become and you’re happy.

He sees the person you’ve become and he’s joyful.

You look at each other and recognize a partner, a friend, a lover.

And you smile.

You smile and realize that as your relationship evolves and twists and turns, you will be fine. Because that guy? That guy you fell so hard for? That guy who is standing next to you?

He’s stubborn as a mule. He refuses to give up. He refuses to let go. He refuses to concede defeat. You realize that instead of resenting, you love that stubborness. And really…

You’re no better.

Mandy Dawson is a wife and mother of two living in California. She’s the creator of Mandyland where she blogs about kids, crafting, gardening and the stubborn man she married.  You can connect with her on her blog and on twitter.

41 Responses to The Peaks & Valleys of Love

  1. This reminds me so much of a favorite song of mine by Brad Paisley “Then” in which he says “And I thought I loved you then” I have come to find with my wife that no matter what happens in our own “Peaks and Valleys” that I find a new way to love her more from those experiences. When she pisses me off, I find a reason from that to love her more. The one part that made me laugh out loud was “Complimenting the Laundry” only cause I mess that up so often

    • Another Brad Paisley song I love is “Little Moments”. The bit where he talks about perfect being boring really resonated with me after one particular argument. And he’s right…perfection is boring. I love my husband with all his imperfections. Maybe even because of them. :)

      Thank you for such a nice comment.

  2. I absolutely love this! It so perfectly describes marriage and has such a realistic honest message. So excited to see Mandy guesting here! She’s one of my all time favorite writers!!!

  3. What a great post – it so reminds me of my thoughts on valentines day – even though I was exhausted (as usual) and my husband and I have been arguing over household/kid stuff forever – deep down, he’s still “that guy” that it is my everything. Love it!

    • I love the hopefulness of this article. Mandy expertly crafts the challenges and feelings we all face of frustration and then turns it around and shows us the hope and the good. This is one of my all time favorite posts EVER! Love it and so glad she shared it with the Mim readers.

    • My mom once told me that when you marry, your husband becomes your family. And just because you argue with family and would love to stuff a sock in their mouths, it doesn’t mean that the love isn’t there.

  4. Hi Mandy-

    Nice, poetic post here. TY for being positive, realistic, and honest.

    Daria, you have such a knack for assembling amazing women to post on your themed-series.

    Any dad bloggers you have in mind to wrangle for a series on love, marriage, and parenting?
    I’d love to read, if so!

  5. What a great description of marriage! My husband and I once lost sight of each other, only to find ourselves again just in the nick of time. I love how different this piece is from the rest of your writing!

    • It’s scary to realize how easy it is and how distracted we can get. And you’re right. It feels like the “nick of time”.

      This sort of post is a departure for sure. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  6. Great post Mandy, from someone who has had many peaks and valleys, but still has her soul mate after 32 years. ;O) FYI and we are still madly in love.

  7. This is a post straight from the core, full of real-life poetry. Before I got married I remember a girlfriend telling me that she had re-fallen in love with her husband multiple times through the course of their relationship. I knew what she meant after the birth of my first daughter via c-section and when my husband ardently listened to the instructions of the nurses, cared for our little 7-lb. girl, and helped to comfort my new mom anxiety. Seeing him like that made me fall in love all over again.

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