While we were there, one of my friends that has been married about 9 months mentioned that she and her husband were arguing the night before and she had flipped him the bird. She was shocked that she had actually done it and retreated to her room where she sat trying to figure out how to approach him and say, I didn’t mean it, let’s work through this. After exiting with such a dramatic (and in her words juvenile) statement she didn’t know how to take it back.
I snickered a little – not out loud because I didn’t want to offend her – but a little smile may have shown. Not because I was dismissing her worry, but because I’ve been there and made it out the other side. It is not a fun place to be, but ultimately I think it makes a couple gain faith in their relationship when you have an argument like this and overcome it. I believe you come back stronger for having both committed to swallowing your pride and saying our relationship means more to me than this momentary “being right”.
My husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this year. In that time I can think of 3 fights that have reached the level of F*** You. They will be with me for the rest of our marriage, but I also know that having gotten to that point and working through it, has made our marriage stronger.
I am not an expert by any means, so please take my musings with a grain of salt, but here’s how I see it.
- Marriage is not about never fighting.
- Marriage is about getting angry and yet caring enough to swallow your pride and extend an olive branch.
- Marriage is about committing to your marriage every single day.
- Marriage is about giving more than you get, putting the relationship’s needs above your own, and trusting that your spouse will do the same.
- Marriage means you always have a partner to share your joy and your grief, your successes and your struggles, your strengths and your fears. It does not mean you get to only share the good stuff or only share the bad stuff. It is a balance.
- It is a partnership and a dance that ebbs and flows.
And not to worry, my friend and her husband worked it out that same night are now one fight closer to a lasting marriage.
Do you remember the first fight you had with your spouse?