Are You Entitled To More?

Are You Entitled To More?

My daughter has this incredibly frustrating unfortunate  behavior lately.  I can only describe it as an attitude of entitlement.  She isn’t appreciating what she has or what we are doing for her, instead she is questioning what are we going to do for her next.   Some examples:

  • Friends: While we were driving home after picking her up from a sleepover, she asked if she could have her friend – B – over for a playdate.  Not tomorrow or next week, but right then.  This was not the friend she just left, that would have been understandable, but was a whole new friend.
  • Activities: We were at the zoo, about an hour in to what I expected would be a 3 or 4 hour day.  She asked if we could go to Water World when we were done.  Hello! We haven’t even really started this activity yet!

Why does this make me want to scream bloody murder sigh deeply?

For one she is pushing my questioning if I’m a good mom button.  But mostly, it’s that she is acting like the world is here to only please her and whatever happens isn’t good enough.

My daughter and I have had several torturous conversations heart to hearts lately about enjoying the moment, appreciating how good she has it, empathy for others, and being good company.   I am not too worried about her – pretty sure it’s part of the tweener attitude – the one that seems to tag along with starting to wear deod0rant and worrying if her hair is cute or not.

But during these eye rolling important conversations I started thinking about what we are entitled to, because there are certain – to steal from the Declaration – unalienable rights that I feel people deserve.

What are we truly entitled to?

I think it differs depending on situation, so have broken it into four areas of life and will be writing a post about each in the coming days.

  • Work
  • Marriage
  • Friends
  • Children

My friend Margie wrote a great article about Entitlement and Social Media that you should definitely check out, but before you head over there, make sure you subscribe to Mom in Management via facebook, email, rss, or twitter so you don’t miss any posts in this Series!

5 Responses to Are You Entitled To More?

  1. Hi Daria,
    Your post has me thinking – are you talking about entitlement or greed? I believe they are different. Greed is natural, part of what all of us are born with that we must learn to transform into humility as we mature. When I think of entitlement I think of an arrogance – a kind of you-owe-this-to-me-because-I-exist.

    Another thing I’m thinking – how can I teach my children to appreciate what they have? I keep coming back to two things: 1) don’t give them too much stuff, time, importance, etc. and 2) stay calm when they push my buttons and make me think they are not appreciating what they have.

    • Good question. As I reread the post, the part that changes it from just wanting wanting wanting to entitlement is the attitude my daughter gets when I say no. She pouts and sulks and says things like I “always” say no, and so and so’s parents let so and so…. that’s the entitlement piece is the attitude that comes after she is denied.

  2. I’m still going with greed. Word nerd that I am I looked up greed and entitlement. Greed is excessive desire and entitlement is a believing she would have a right to have whatever. Her arguments are manipulative and saying I want more more more. She isn’t asserting that this is her basic right. Of course, I’m not there to say. Just really thinking about my own children’s similar responses.

  3. I struggle with this too. When I see my kids practically destroying their things because they think that we’ll just buy them new stuff, well let’s just say that it royally pisses me off. I think there is a greed component too. After I told my son that I did any money and he offered that I could use my credit card, I knew that we were failing in teaching our kids money management. We’ve started talking to our kids about money, opened them savings accounts, and have even threatened to force them to pay for replacements if they do break something out of malice. But when my dad decides to give my 7YO an iPOD touch, I know that we still have a ton of work to do.

    • My kids have pulled the “just use your card” thing too. Now I give them a $10 per month allowance and tell them they can buy it with their own money. Amazing how less appealing things look to them now. ;)

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